Early December, I think it was on December 2 to be specific, I was out for lunch at a nice restaurant with my dad. It was his first post-pandemic trip after two years of not seeing each other. I wrote about how the meeting was different and how I healed my relationship with my dad in this blog post.
If you’ve been following my blog for some time, you will know that I never compare myself to anyone. I also wrote about this topic in an earlier post. You can read it here.
While I was at that restaurant with my dad, I noticed a small group of Asian women sat at a nearby table. Their makeup was perfect and the skills were advanced. You could tell that they knew how to apply proper contour, bronzer and everything else.
Because I was invested in my healing and spiritual growth journey since October 2016, I didn’t prioritize learning how to apply makeup. Thinking about it, I never prioritized it in my 41 and a half years of being on this earth.
Since I had a traumatic childhood and past, most of my energy was invested in reversing this past, healing my issues and feeling good and confident. There was no space for proper makeup application.
Fast forward to early this year, I manifested a makeup artist and YouTuber with exceptional teaching skills! I’ve been watching her tutorials, buying products and practicing for a couple of weeks now. I even plan a shopping trip to Sephora next week to get some essential makeup.
Let me explain. It’s not that I never wore makeup in my life. I did but the application and placement were inherently wrong. And you know how you look when you have blush in the wrong place on your face – like a clown! I even have pictures on this site to prove it 🙂
When You Feel Stuck: How I felt that day
When I saw the group of women at the restaurant with perfect makeup (and hair and a sense of style), I felt angry. I didn’t feel jealous. I didn’t compare myself to them because my life path is entirely different. Not everyone experienced trauma and emotional abuse. I don’t know anything about their background but I can speak for myself.
I experienced emotional abuse and trauma in my childhood and adult life. So, I became a late-bloomer. And I wholeheartedly accept this. You have to accept your situation in order to shift it. What you resist, persists.
I understand that my life path was probably different from theirs. And that I had other priorities like healing my trauma, finding a way to leave home and never look back and focusing on my physical, spiritual and emotional health.
But I still felt angry. That anger was the catalyst for me to invest time, energy and money into learning proper makeup skills. This is all part of my new year intention to embrace my feminine side.
When I style my hair at home, wear natural makeup, put effort into my outfits, I feel like a woman – soft, feminine and confident.
I felt angry because I have a very competitive personality. So I felt like I was light years behind these women when it comes to outside looks. I’ve done the deep inner work to cleanse my inner world. But my outside looks were so behind and that fact made me angry.
Since the start of the year, I’ve been investing in my looks with a couple of things. Like styling my hair at home, practicing new makeup skills, getting IV drips for hair health and will try out a scalp oil tomorrow that should help with hair growth when done regularly.
When everything flows
There’s an important back story. Since the start of the pandemic, I’ve been ordering all sorts of hair stylers online. I’ve been trying them and then eventually throwing them away. Yes, it’s the truth. I’ve tried a couple of those.
The reality is that the time was off. I couldn’t commit to styling my hair, no tool was working as I wanted it to and I ended up just feeling frustrated with each attempt.
This was because I was still processing inner child therapy work, so my energy and head space wasn’t free for this hair project. I was trying to force it since we were in a pandemic and I had time to focus on my hair. But the process wasn’t working.
Once I was done with the deep processing and integration and because I set a clear and specific intention to embrace my feminine side, things started to flow in that area.
I manifested an amazing makeup artist and YouTuber, I found the perfect hair styling tool, I discovered how to straighten my hair without making it fall like crazy (I just practiced this on Tuesday!).
As you can see the journey to finally focus on beauty and hair was long. But once the time was right and I had the bandwidth for this project, everything flowed with ease.
I shared this story to help you see that when things aren’t moving in the direction that you like, it could be because it’s not the right time for this project. Or it could be that the project isn’t aligned with your personality and true self. And that it needs to be abandoned.
I still remember how I decided to scratch off the makeup skills project from my to-do-list after it was there for years. I thought that if things aren’t flowing and I’m not prioritizing it, then it’s not meant for me to take on. Well, the timing was off and that was the only reason things weren’t unfolding.
Once the time was right, I manifested all the resources and people who can support this project.
What are your thoughts on this story? Is there an area in your life where you feel stuck? Are things not moving in the direction that you would like? Let me know in the comments!