In my last Saudi Diva Wellness Wednesday post, I wrote about how acceptance, forgiveness and letting go are important steps of healing. But, only after going through all the natural emotions. Examples include, sadness, grief, loneliness, depression, anger, hurt, guilt and shame.
The third step to recovering from any type of abuse or neglect is setting healthy boundaries.
Wellness Tip: Setting Healthy Boundaries
Some of us are raised in a toxic home where boundaries are non-existent. If this is the case, you will definitely struggle with boundary issues as an adult.
When I was growing up, my mother would withdraw, get angry or give me “the silent treatment” if I didn’t do things her way. I now know this behavior causes issues for children. They become unable to set boundaries with others, face resentment and eventually get hurt.
With time, I developed a people-pleasing personality. I did what would make others happy to avoid conflict or risk relationships coming to an end!
Then, a miracle happened. I guess it was a blessing in disguise. I injured both knees from intense Zumba and other workouts. This led me to confront the consequences of my destructive and unhealthy patterns. For the first time in my life, I was able to take the time to understand and resolve my boundary issues.
If it wasn’t for my knee injury, I would still be a “people-pleaser” with zero boundaries.
Learning how to set and assert clear and firm boundaries for yourself requires work. You need to spend time on analysis, observation and ultimately, practice. It’s not an easy task when raised in a home where boundaries are not respected, or even applied.
At 38 years of age, I have finally learned and mastered the art of setting boundaries for myself and others.
Read “Boundaries” by Dr Henry Cloud
The first step which I took to recover from this destructive and unhealthy pattern was to read the best-selling book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud.
This is a well-written and detailed book. It identifies the reasons why some of us don’t have healthy and clear boundaries. It shows how we can develop those boundaries and practice them in a safe and supportive network. The author uses great examples to illustrate the concepts.
When I had almost completed the book, an amazing thing happened. The Universe presented me with real life situations and scenarios. Friends (or people who I encountered) were not respecting my boundaries. I began to practice everything that I learnt in the book while the information was still new and fresh in my mind. It was such a magical and beautiful experience.
Honestly, I was super grateful for the opportunities for growth which I was presented with. I made sure to practice everything that I learned from this superb wellness book. And trust me, I was impressed by how well other people began respecting my healthy boundaries. Finally they were communicating with me in a healthy and positive way!
The tips in the book ‘Boundaries’ can be used in everyday life situations. As soon as I step out of my apartment door, I’m faced with endless opportunities for practicing what I learned in this valuable and resourceful wellness book.
Your Evolution Awaits
When you developing healthy boundaries you’ll evolve, emotionally and spiritually. You’ll enjoy interacting and engaging with others in a positive and healthy way.
This book is a wonderful investment and wellness aid. I am keeping it in my bookshelf (more like on my coffee table) for life.