Too often we think, ‘If only I had a girlfriend or a wife, a boyfriend or a husband I wouldn’t be so lonely and miserable.’
While healthy companionship is a beautiful and fulfilling thing, it is not a cure for loneliness or misery.
You probably know someone who is in a pretty good relationship but still claims to feel lonely. Yet another has been single for the longest time but seems contented with her life. There is nothing overly special about the single person—they have just created a different narrative for themselves. This narrative is one of self-acceptance and self-compassion.
Unfortunately, one of the limiting beliefs that society has passed on to us is that if you are not coupled up, then something is wrong with you, especially if you are a woman. So many of us then go through life striving to be in a relationship, any kind of connection to avoid the harsh judgment that comes with being single.
In the event we do not find ourselves coupled up, we become caught up in a series of negative thoughts and habits such as judging ourselves harshly, self-loathing, and self-rejection. Yet, the more you judge yourself, the more you will continue to attract situations that give you one more reason to be overly self-critical, and the cycle goes on and on. You are always creating your reality.
The good news is, you have the power to break this cycle of self-rejection. Once you understand how inner blocks and limiting beliefs work, you can set yourself on a spectacular trajectory of self-love that others cannot help but be attracted to your light.
If you have been ‘looking for love’ unsuccessfully and telling yourself that you will never find someone to love you, this one is for you. You’ll learn about common limiting beliefs that are blocking you from love and what you can do to release and overcome them.
What Are Inner Blocks To Love?
Do you find yourself in the same relationship patterns over and over?
Perhaps you keep attracting men or women who treat you a certain way.
Maybe your relationships always start on a high and end badly?
Are there behaviors you find yourself engaging in that end up sabotaging your relationships?
Negative relationship patterns result from inner blocks, also known as limiting beliefs that become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Most of the time, we do not even realize we have these limiting beliefs about ourselves, others, and about the concept of romantic love. So, we keep replaying the same movie of our life repeatedly while expecting different results.
Think about it: How many times have you thought to yourself ‘I am a good person, why isn’t anyone interested in me? I feel so awful about being alone for this long.’
These might be your true sentiments; it might be precisely how you feel about not finding love, but it is also a type of limiting belief. How is expressing your real feelings a limiting belief, you ask? Well, expressing yourself is not a problem. What you say about yourself is.
Is It Really True?
The first common inner block is that you think no one is interested in you—but, is this really true?
It cannot be because you haven’t met every person who could be into you. You have only met people who are interested in other people, but this in no way means that something is wrong with you. You do not have to frame it as them rejecting you—they just chose differently.
The other limiting belief here is that you feel awful unless others are interested in you. This is an inner block to love because you are operating from a place of despair. This negative emotion only attracts situations that bring on more despair. Think about it: Do you need others to be interested in you so that you can feel good about yourself?
Inner blocks are those (usually false) subconscious beliefs we have about ourselves and others that sabotage aspects of our lives. Our childhood experiences largely contribute to these beliefs, but we also pick up new views as we grow up.
The relationship you had with your parents or caregivers, and the messages they repeatedly conveyed to you is especially important. These contributed to how you make sense of the world today.
If you grew up with parents who not only encouraged you to express your feelings and also guided you on how to frame these feelings positively, you would likely grow up with a strong sense of who you are in relation to the rest of the world. This will be reflected in the kind of relationships you attract.
The opposite is true. If you grew up with overly critical parents or caregivers, you might have grown up feeling immense shame, guilt, or fear. Unsurprisingly, as an adult, you may end up attracting situations that perpetuate the same shame, guilt, and fear you felt as a child.
The real challenge is that many of us go through life completely unaware of these blocks and the immense impact they have on every aspect of our life, not just relationships. The first step toward finding real love and attracting healthy relationships is uncovering your inner blocks. Become aware of them. There is power in awareness of your thoughts and feelings—awareness puts you in control of your life.
Let’s have a look at some common limiting beliefs about love:
I need to be perfect to deserve love
Do you think you have to ‘make yourself better’ for someone to love you? Don’t get this wrong—self-improvement can be a fantastic pursuit. It just depends on the story you are telling yourself.
If you are on a quest to improve yourself for someone else, you are already playing to one of your inner blocks. In essence, your story is that you have too many flaws for anyone to love you. You feel you are not enough and therefore you have to work hard to become perfect or at least pretend to be perfect so that others can love you.
Intuitively, you will find yourself in relationship patterns that keep magnifying your real and imagined flaws. For example, you might attract abusive or overly critical partners who strive to bring you down, which goes on to strengthen your belief that you are not good enough.
In the same vein, you might end up repelling people who might otherwise make great partners. Your energetic vibration would not be a match with their vibration if you think you are not good enough and need to be perfect.
People always hurt me
Do you believe that others are out to hurt you? Do you take the blame when they hurt you? Without a doubt, people can do hurtful things, knowingly or unknowingly. But the good news is that you are in control of how you react and how you frame their actions. This doesn’t mean that you have to excuse bad behavior or tolerate anything that doesn’t serve your highest good.
However, what others do is not a reflection of who you are. Just because someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you does not mean that you are unlovable, something is wrong with you, or that you need to change who you are. It just means that they chose differently.
In the same way, having someone cheat on you is a hurtful thing. But, their actions have absolutely nothing to do with you, or your worth—they consciously chose to be unfaithful. They had many choices, including the option to let you know that they no longer want to be in a relationship with you, but they chose to cheat instead.
Your thoughts and feelings form your reality. When you think ‘People always hurt me’ you are sending energetic frequencies of ‘hurt’, and the universe has no choice but to reflect this to you. So, you will continuously find yourself in hurtful relationships.
If I were in a relationship, I would be happier
Are you making your happiness another person’s responsibility? When you think your happiness or lack of it depends on whether or not you are in a relationship, you are unconsciously repelling away the right kind of people.
Consider this: would you want to bear the burden of making someone else happy? You might want to do nice things for them, but you wouldn’t want their entire experience of happiness or lack of it to be your responsibility.
Thinking you’d be happy if you were in a relationship blocks you from attracting great relationships. This is because you are sending out an energetic vibration that conveys the message ‘I need you to fix me’, and ‘I need you to make me happy.’ You might be attracted to people who are their own source of happiness, but they might not be attracted to you because they can pick up your energy and they do not want to be responsible for your happiness.
These are just a few examples of the many inner blocks and limiting stories we tell ourselves that keep us from enjoying the gift of true love. The good news is that you can release these blocks and make way for the love you deserve.
Here are a few recommendations:
How to Release Inner Blocks to Love
Keep in mind that the practice of releasing your limiting beliefs is an ongoing one. These are some tips to help you get started:
Get in touch with your inner child
Each of us has an inner child, which comprises the cumulative experiences of our childhood. These experiences have a massive impact on our adult life and can cause us to engage in behaviors that mirror our unfulfilled needs in childhood. These behaviors can be in the form of subtle self-sabotage to overt aggression, addiction, and self-destruction.
If your emotional, physical, and psychological needs went unmet as a child, as an adult, you might struggle with issues. Low self-esteem, ignoring your emotional needs, having difficulty sustaining healthy relationships, extreme safety-seeking, or risk-taking behaviors, are all possible.
Inner child work is some of the most critical actions you will do to heal yourself and your relationships. Here is an exercise you can try today:
Sit in a quiet place and recollect your childhood– Record what you can remember experiencing in the various stages of your youth. These include the emotions, and how safe and supported you felt. Honor every memory that comes to mind. Breathe and contemplate on these memories.
Write a letter to your inner child– Now that you have brought your inner child to the forefront, it is time to affirm, honor, and embrace her/him. Imagine yourself as a kind, caring, nurturing guardian angel to your inner child. Now write a letter telling her/him how much you love them and how much you want them to feel safe, seen, heard, and cared for. Tell your inner child that you are here to protect her/him.
Practice loving affirmations: Saying positive affirmations is a powerful way of reminding yourself of your worthiness. It also reinforces the message you wrote to your inner child. Some loving affirmations you can say to yourself every day are:
- I am so happy you are here
- You are enough
- You are loveable
- I believe in you
- Your feelings and thoughts are valid
Practice Radical Self-Acceptance
To experience the joy of authentic love and healthy relationships, choose to practice radical self-acceptance. Radical self-acceptance is precisely what it means—accepting yourself, entirely, wholly, and completely.
Remember, a common limiting belief about love many of us have is ‘something is wrong with me. I need to fix it.’
Radical self-acceptance is about embracing your strengths and more importantly, your weaknesses. It is about approaching yourself with deep compassion without evading responsibility.
Start by thinking about the things you love about yourself and imagine thanking these qualities for being part of you. Then, think about the things you consider negative about yourself. Be thankful for these too. Accept them without feeling despair, shame, or guilt. Know that you can take action to improve and plan to do it, for yourself.
As you practice self-compassion, radical self-acceptance, and connect with your inner child, you will begin to attract the right people. These are individuals who are committed to doing the work of loving themselves and taking responsibility for their happiness. Aren’t these the kind of people you deserve to love and to be loved by?