When you Learn Everything Solo
I truly feel like my content won’t resonate with everyone. And this fact specifically applies to this blog post.
If you had emotionally supportive parents who were by your side while you were growing up and taught you many life skills, then this post probably won’t resonate with you.
Just like my ebook on Manifesting Love for the Insecure Woman, my tips are mostly helpful for women (or people in general) who were raised in toxic or abusive homes.
So what I’m sharing in today’s post is a clear example of what happens when you have to navigate life on your own after growing up in a very toxic home environment.
When you don’t have anyone to guide you or teach you about boundaries or even practice boundaries with you, then you can’t really judge other people’s characters in a good way and you end up making fake friends.
That doesn’t end there, because when you have toxic friends, they impact your mental health and self-worth in a negative way. And even when you realize how toxic they are and cut them off, you still have extra healing work to do – on top of all the inner work that you have to do to recover from your toxic childhood and adulthood. So it’s really a lot of work!
The reason you attract those toxic friendships and connections in the first place is your sense of self-worth and self-perception. And how that develops is in early childhood by having emotionally healthy and supportive, loving parents.
It’s a vicious cycle really until you do the healing work and bring awareness to all the self-worth issues.
If this sounds like your story, get my ebook and learn how I navigated this complicated self-worth journey. I share practical tips from my personal healing journey and how I eventually built my self-esteem.
Toxic Friends – What are They Like?
Of course there are so many toxic traits that people can have. Mainly, they will try and make you feel bad about yourself so they can feel superior and better about themselves.
This post talks about a specific topic that really opened my eyes about how toxic some fake friends can be.
It’s very painful for me to share this story although it happened a couple of years ago.
An old friend who thought was giving me genuine advice kept telling me about how she straightens her curly hair with a blow dryer and brush every time she washes her hair.
If you’re someone who has basic manners, you would know that it’s rude to comment on someone’s appearance. And knowing that person for a number of years doesn’t give you permission to comment on their hair or give suggestions on how they should style it.
That’s exactly what happened with that friend. And because this story happened in the start of the pandemic, I took her advice as a well-intended piece of information and I went along to follow it.
I actually bought a separate blow dryer and brush and tried to style my hair using two separate tools after every shower for a really long time.
I honestly can’t remember how many trials I gave this experiment but I’m a stubborn person and when I want to do anything in life, I go all in. I discovered that this is not always a healthy pattern or good idea.
To add some context, I tried styling my hair as an adult in my twenties and up until recently with different hair tools, but not with a separate hair dryer and brush (because that’s too complicated and difficult to be done on your own). I tried using the two-in-one type of hair stylers and I was successful but I never made it into a lifestyle because I don’t like using heat on my fine hair on a regular basis.
What’s even more wild is that this same friend even offered to visit my apartment (which I never invited her into) to help me learn how to style my hair using a separate brush and hair dryer!
You know when they say forgive the old version of you that didn’t know any better, that’s exactly what’s needed when looking back at this story.
I feel so hurt that I had to keep fake friends like that in my life and entertain their toxic traits that are impacting my self-worth in a purely negative way.
Fast forward to my last Bali trip.
Healthy Friendships – How do They Make you Feel?
Healthy and supportive friendships will make you feel good about yourself and your appearance. They uplift and enhance your mood and self-esteem.
Genuine friends can still give you advice and tips on how to do things. But the energy these tips are coming from feels good and supportive. Their words and comments feel like they genuinely care about you and want what’s best for you.
When they share any feedback with you, you will feel the love and support in their words and comments.
You won’t feel pressured to do something differently or feel bad about yourself or your self-image.
Healthy friendships and relationships elevate our souls and wellbeing. They enhance our mood and our self-perception. They make us feel good about ourselves – even when they give constructive feedback.
My friend Ceria, who I’ve been friends with since September 2016 (my first ever trip to Bali) told me in my last trip that I can totally embrace my naturally curly hair.
She was saying that it’s not a good idea to use heat regularly and that it’s better to style my hair in a naturally curly way. Which is what I do for most of the time, unless I want to style it straight and that’s when I book a hair stylist to get it done.
I honestly feel so grateful for investing in the spiritual growth and healing work for the past decade. In the end, all of this inner work pays off and you will only attract kind and supportive people.
Imagine how it feels having a backlog of inner work to do after growing up in a toxic home, only to attract more toxicity in the form of fake friends and then having to heal from that as well!
If you feel like you could use some support in building your self-worth to the point of attracting kindness, support and love only, then this ebook was written for you. Get it now and let me know what you think!
Love,
Leela
