Saudi Life: Growing up in Saudi in the 1990’s

I decided to keep this article about Saudi life light, funny and easy to read. Mainly because I got a headache after writing the post about the reasons why I don’t want to drive a car!

Despite the topic being a deep and serious one, I will try my best to explain things in simple terms and inject some humor whenever possible

As most of you know, I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia. I’m a 90’s girl – born in the year 1980. I still reminisce about the ’90s. I believe that it was the best decade. Great music, movies and much more simpler times.

In Saudi Arabia, the society is segregated. What does this mean?

Let me paint a picture for you…In all public and private schools, the genders are separated. There are schools for boys only and others for girls only. Although in kindergarten, we were mixed! (gasp).

I do recall having a crush on a boy from my class when I was four and it lasted for one year only, and then it was summer break and then I went to grade one and that was girls only. So we couldn’t keep in touch (Just kidding). I can’t even remember the time when we had boys in our class, because obviously I was too young to know anything!

In school, the two genders are completely separated. Then in college or University? Yes, you guessed right. They are separated there as well. This is Saudi life. There will be a campus for college boys and another one for college girls. In some classes in University, when there was a professor who was teaching at the girls’ college, he would be teaching from behind a wall or something. Honestly, I didn’t attend University in Saudi. But I do know for a fact that this was the case. He would be teaching from behind something. He would be in a separate room and through some technological tool, his lecture would reach the girls’ hall. If someone went to (or is currently going to Uni in Saudi), please correct me

To give you an idea about our Saudi life culture, and how some elements of it apply to other GCC countries, let me tell you briefly about my experience while studying at the University of Bahrain. That’s where I got my first degree. It wasn’t the Uni of my choice, but that’s another story for another time.

The majority of Bahraini people are considered to be conservative. So in University of Bahrain – which is the public University of the country – male and female students sat in separate sections of the class. I think that’s the main reason that my parents insisted that I enroll in that University :p

For someone coming from Saudi (well, I was in Switzerland before that), but still, I found it strange. Just when you thought that it couldn’t get any more conservative than it was in Saudi, you find yourself in a study room separated into sections by gender! The ladies sat on one side of the room, while the boys were on the other. During breaks, they would talk. But there was always a great distance and barrier between the two. I had transferred to that University from a college in Switzerland (which was my choice for education) and I was truly surprised by the way the locals in Bahrain behaved. Or at least the conservative segment of the population. The meaning behind the word ‘respect’ was taken to very extreme levels. The communication between the two genders was highly formal and unnatural. Or at least that’s how I perceived it.

In Saudi life, men and women are separated. How is that possible you might ask. Let me give you some examples; in most restaurants, there are sections for families and others for single men. Yes, you read it right. If you’re a single man thinking to relocate to Saudi, then you might want to think twice. Just saying. So, if I’m a single woman out with my girlfriends, which section do I sit in? That would be the family section. With all the families and their kids and some other groups of women bonding together over coffee

If I’m a married man out with my family, where do I sit? that would be the family section again. Since you are out with your family, you can sit in the family section and maybe look around at some single ladies who are sipping on cappuccino in the same section. (joke). Now, there’s a trick, if you’re a married man out on your own (without your family), then you must sit in the single men section. Because that’s your current status Mister! you are out on your own and you must pay the price.

What is sad is that some malls don’t allow single men in their premises on weekends or on specific days. So, the men must find other ways for entertainment.

In my city (Al Khobar), we have a really cool mall called Al Rashid Mall. It was one of the first big malls in town. It’s where the cool kids hang out, and I was one of those kids.

In the mall, the cafes must follow the gender segregation rule. So, there would be two distinct doors in each cafe. One for the families (and single women) and another for the single men. However, one chain coffee shop took this rule to the extreme when they introduced an additional section to the already ‘divided by gender’ sphere. They actually had a room within a room. Picture this; a small cozy room for the families, then as you go further into the space, at a corner you will see another entrance to an even smaller room. That room caters for female clients only. So, if you want to have a cozy chat and catch up with your girlfriends, you can head to the tiny hidden room within the family section in that cafe, and be in your own private little zone. Now that’s another level of a bespoke cafe experience.

Oh dear, there’s just so much to write about. That’s why I will leave the rest for another post. But basically, the genders are separated all the way from grade one until one’s life ends. As a girl, you’re not allowed to have male friends – only girls. The same rule applies if you’re a boy. Only guy friends. In school, we are separate. Also, in public places, we are separate. In social gatherings, we are separated too. The only time we meet is if you get married to one. Otherwise, be prepared to see only girls for the rest of your life.

Another question that many people wonder is this: so if the genders are completely segregated in society, how do men and women meet and eventually get married?

Aside from arranged marriage – which is the norm, there might be some secret relationships. But, they must always conform to the general rule when the time comes for marriage. I.E. They didn’t know each other prior to marriage – they must pretend.

And then during my era (the ’90s), the mothers of potential husbands would be looking out for a suitable wife for their sons. They would find the prospective bride by socializing with other women from other families, or by attending social gatherings, or at wedding parties. Despite being gender segregated as well, the wedding ceremonies are considered the best places to be seen if you’re a single woman looking to find your perfect match. Or shall I say husband. As they might not really be a good match, but you can’t hope for miracles.

I think I should end the post here as I’m beginning to sound very cynical and pessimistic and I don’t want to convey that kind of attitude to my lovely readers. I must be a true journalist and report stories with fairness, objectiveness and impartiality. And that’s why, I will continue the story of how men and women traditionally meet in Saudi at a later time.

If you’re a Saudi person reading my post and thinking that my facts are outdated and don’t relate to the current situation, then please update me I would love to hear from you about how things are done nowadays.

Of course when I write about the lifestyle in Saudi, my experiences are limited to the city that I grew up in (Al Khobar), the era that I grew up in (the 1980s, 90’s, and 2000’s), and my personal background and social status. Therefore, I understand that what I write about doesn’t necessary apply to the whole population or society. It’s just a collection of memories from my own personal experiences while living in Saudi. B.t.w. I lived there until August of 2009. I was 29 years old when I left…

One last point worth mentioning is that going to an all-girls school has definitely shaped my character. I’m sure many of the women who went to all-girls schools (wherever they may be) can share my opinion. I believe that we grow up to be more independent, more confident and are made to think that we can conquer the world and make anything that we want a reality. We have this strong sense of empowerment, that comes from within. It is about being our own heroes. We are taught that everything is achievable and that no one can save us, but our own selves.

As the sole masters of our future and our dreams, we hold the keys to our happiness, our future and our success. We are resilient, strong and  the heroins of our life stories. And we must take full responsibility for our actions.

That might be one reason why I’m almost 37 and single ?

Did you attend an all-girls school, College or University? if so, how do you think that experience has helped shape your character and life decisions?

Were you raised in Saudi Arabia? Or, did you live there in the ’90s? If so, how would you describe your experience of Saudi life?

Do you live in Saudi Arabia now? do you visit coffee shops regularly? how do you feel about gender segregation in public places? do you enjoy the privacy of sipping your coffee in a family section? in a ladies-only section?